Melitta Campbell shows us how to spread the word about our business. And more importantly, how to recognize when we could be doing better!
-the subtle signs that you’re holding back (and why)
-the art of sharing versus bragging
-why you’re struggling with networking
And so much more!
Win The Hour, Win The Day Winners Circle
Win The Hour, Win The Day! www.winthehourwintheday.com
Podcast: Win The Hour, Win The Day Podcast
You can find Melitta Campbell at:
Win The Hour Win The Day
Melitta Campbell Podcast
START[00:17:24]Kris Ward: Hey, everyone. Welcome to another episode of Win The Hour, Win The Day and I am your host, Kris Ward. And today we have Melitta Campbell in the house. Now, listen, this is going to be a really interesting conversation because she’s coming at a problem from a whole different angle.
[00:17:40] She is the proud author of “The Shy Girl’s Guide To Networking.” Now, hold on, hold on. If you’re not a girl, don’t worry. She’s just a smart marketer. So she’s niched down. This is gender nonspecific and this is a whole new definition of shy because here’s the deal. I actually fall under the category of shy in her definition.
[00:18:01] It’s really a powerful definition. And in case you guys haven’t caught on, I’m not normally what somebody would describe ‘shy’. So let’s hear why Melitta is telling us we all need to be working on this. Welcome to this show, Melitta.
[00:18:15]Melitta Campbell: Thanks, Kris. Great to be here. And yeah. You know, when I launched the book, I had people come out and say, oh, well, that’s great.
[00:18:22] Congratulations, but I’m not a shy girl. And it was a common curiosity, quite a few people, particularly my Facebook group, said this. So I clicked through to their Facebook profile to find out who this is. What’s their business? No mention of that business, nothing at all and say, well, hang on a minute.
[00:18:40] If you’re not showing up, if you’re not bragging, I’m not bragging about your business, but if you’re not openly proud of your business and showing it off at every opportunity, then you’re being shy. So many of these people said, oh, I’m not shy. I just had no presence around my business at all, which made me really think, yeah, well, you are, you really need to show up fully for your clients for your business and, and really be an active part of that. If you’re going to have a presence online.
[00:19:14]Kris Ward: Yeah, that’s really interesting to me because I know I’ve said in the past where, you know, I’ve done a lot of speaking gigs and I was fine with that or local TV or all that. Right. But I struggled, we’ve talked about this in the show before, but I did struggle at one point with social media, because I felt like you didn’t ask me to be there.
[00:19:30] And like, as if you’re walking by I’m tugging at your sleeve, trying to get your attention. So it was a longtime struggle for me on how to present on social media and also shoulders back, tried to be straight faced and look grown up and sound professional. So I also wasn’t showing up as myself.
[00:19:47] I was trying to show up as the polished version of myself and I never liked it when people say I wasn’t being inauthentic. I just thought I was trying to be more grown up or something. Right. I wasn’t being my full fledged, Kris. Right? So that’s one thing that’s really interesting to me because by your definition then, there’s a lot of people out there being shy because, you know, they don’t know how to talk about something with confidence. But they’re worried about it sounding arrogant, right? Boasting about their businesses and stuff.
[00:20:19]Melitta Campbell: Yeah, absolutely. And I think you touched on something important there with the professional thing, you know, I had a conversation just recently with someone that wasn’t showing up because they didn’t know they were worried, they were going to be judged.
[00:20:30] They were worried they weren’t going to be professional enough and say, you know, being professional means being understood. It means being clear. It means being yourself. And if you try and be professional as in like fancy language and a big diff Steph suit, then you’re just driving a wall between you and your audience.
So you don’t want that at all. You just want to be, just be yourself, be clear, represent your brand in the best way you can.
[00:20:57]Kris Ward: Yeah. I mean, I can’t, we could, I could talk about that part forever because I know it’s been a powerful learning curve for myself because I always thought this Kris was something that you saw after I started to earn your respect.
[00:21:09] They were sort of like the fifth date, Kris, you’ve been working with me for a while, and then you gotta see this version and people say, oh, you’re so fun to work with. And you know, I got so much content, but we had such a good time and all this other stuff. And if you think, well, that’s great. But I wasn’t putting that Kris out online, because again, I thought I was like, I spent a lot of money for all my education.
[00:21:25] I was trying to show that foot forward. Right. So again, by your definition, you know, I was being shy and hesitant when normally people would not describe me as that. So in your book, which I was reading, finishing up last night, you have this victory formula. So I was wondering if you could just give us a little bit, just a sentence on each letter of victory and what that means to you?
[00:21:50]Melitta Campbell: Yeah. So when I caught myself holding back, but I needed to move forward, I had to find a way of doing that in a way that felt comfortable that that was doable because I was trying to network as an introvert and the shy girl in, and all I saw was, oh, you have to do it the way that all the extroverts were doing.
[00:22:08] And that was never going to work for me. So I took a step back and figured out this, what became the victory formula. The first part of that is the V, which is to have a vision. First of all, you need to know this is something that you want to do. So if it’s moving online, if that’s just not, not part of your vision, if that’s not a priority for you, then you don’t have to worry about it.
[00:22:30] But if it is something that’s important, then it’s really important to know that and create that bigger vision. Of course, the bigger your vision is the smaller those obstacles become. So you can start to move forward with more confidence.
[00:22:43]Kris Ward: I have a funny story here. I, in the past used to have a thing about, I guess I was deemed to be a rather private person and my husband and I we’d be out somewhere and I’d run into somebody, whatever, and he’d say something.
[00:22:55] And he said, why didn’t you tell them that? And I’d be like, you know, it’s not their business. Don’t worry. Like they don’t need to know that whatever. Right. Who cares? Right. So when I started my business, he’s like, he sat me down and he said, do you know if you have a business. People will need to know your business.
[00:23:08] Like, do you understand that? You understand the formula here. If you’re going to have a business, they need to know your business. Like you can’t go around saying that’s not their business. I don’t need to share that. Right. So that vision you’re right. It’s like, oh, okay. My vision is, if I want the business to grow, I need to meet…
[00:23:25] We should also address the networking thing. I need to meet more people, you know? And that’s what there are virtual coffees, whatever that looks like in the modern day world. That networking thing, the more people that know your business, that, you know, the bigger the scope of your business. So that vision is a very powerful first step. Okay. Vision, victory. We go from V to I.
[00:23:49]Melitta Campbell: So I, it has to be intentional to really set clear goals and milestones around this. Cause it’s great to have a vision. But you have to actually take action as well. But to break that down as you mentioned, you know, most people when they’re doing things for the first time is a bit daunting.
So just to have this big vision and take one huge stride towards it, it is not going to work. You might do it once, but it wouldn’t be sustainable. So just to break down and get, get intentional about the steps you’re going to take to get to your vision.
[00:24:17]Kris Ward: Okay. I was recently talking to a mentor of mine and he gave a really classic example.
[00:24:24] He said, when you’re making choices, is this micro choice going to affect your macro goal? Right. And that was very powerful to me like, oh, cause we all know like, short-term like, oh, I should be doing this. I should be doing that. But when you sit there and you go, okay, intentional, if I want this, you know, if I want
[00:24:43] to be an influence or have a bigger impact online then I can’t have a thousand people know me if I’m not willing to meet with 10 people this week. So is my micro step, my micro focus is going to affect my macro goal. Right? So intention that I think it’s one of these things that perhaps when you say it, it sounds simplistic, but I think it’s undervalued. So that’s a really good one. Victory. We got vision, we got intention. What’s the ‘C’ for?
[00:25:08]Melitta Campbell: The ‘C’ is confidence. So you have to be able to move forward with confidence. You have to be able to speak to people and I used to stumble with my words a lot, but once I built that confidence, then that all changed and confidence doesn’t come from knowing you can do it.
[00:25:25] It comes from trusting, even figure it out. So the more you need a bit of courage first. So this is also for courage. Have a bit of courage to take that first step. And when you do it and you. Oh, that wasn’t so bad. I survived. Then you’ve built a little bit of confidence and the more you take these little steps, the more that confidence is going to grow.
[00:25:44] And that’s something I misunderstood for a long time. I really felt, oh, I’ll do this when I’m confident that of course they will never come. If you don’t take those first steps. So just start where you are and build from there. But that confidence will grow with you.
[00:25:59]Kris Ward: I remember many years ago, the first time I heard the phrase, your comfort zone.
[00:26:02] I thought that was the place where you stayed. Like I thought that was like a safe thing. Like stay within your comfort zone. I didn’t know. It was something you’re supposed to step outside of. It made it sound comfortable like, oh, you should know where your comfort zone is. So you make sure you stay inside of that.
[00:26:18] Right. I mean, I’m okay. I’m pretty bold. And when I want to do something and set my mind to it, not all lot stops me, but I’m still very human and there’s things I think, oh no, no, no. That’s not for me. Right. So, all right. So confidence. Excellent. T stands for? Oh, go ahead.
[00:26:35]Melitta Campbell: Yeah, once you have your vision and intention, you can actually reverse your comfort zone.
[00:26:39] So if you know that if you don’t go out and make those connections, you won’t grow your business, then it’s suddenly what felt very uncomfortable. Now it’s the other way around. If you sit at home, watching Netflix, you feel uncomfortable because you know, you’re not growing your business. You’re not doing what you need to do. So that vision and intention, as you say, it sounds simplistic, but actually it’s a whole game changer.
[00:27:02]Kris Ward: That is a really good point. Although, when you said that off topic, I now know poor Netflix gets blamed for anything that’s not done. If you’re just sitting home, watching Netflix, everybody says that and it’s like, oh, for Netflix, it doesn’t care. And you’re not suffering too bad. So. Okay. Right. And the T stands for?
[00:27:16]Melitta Campbell: The “T” is to be your true self. So this comes back to what we were talking about earlier. You know, if you’re not showing up yourself, you won’t be making the right conversation at right connections. You won’t be coming across confidently because it’s hard to be confident when you’re not being yourself.
[00:27:36] So if you’re always trying to be someone else or trying to emulate something that you’re not, then that’s going to erode that confidence as well. So being your true self is really important to take a step back, understand who you are. What’s important to you. What value do you have to bring to the table?
[00:27:54] Cause that’s another thing that holds a lot of people back in networking. Like I don’t have any value to bring. I was like, course you do. Everyone has had some kind of experiences to share. So understanding you and your stories and everything, and really embracing that is really going to be a key thing. And not just with networking, but any kind of marketing meaning.
[00:28:15]Kris Ward: Yeah. And so when you see your true self again, or there another simplistic thing, and we did talk about the fact that, you know, I thought, oh, you have to have your shoulders back. And, oh my gosh, I hate wearing business jackets and they don’t are not flattering to me either, but I was wearing them because that was the thing to do.
[00:28:29] But here’s the thing. It was really interesting. I was flicking, just channel surfing last night. And there was “The Voice” on. It’s a competition. I think you guys have it in your part of the world to a competition where they just listen to music, turnaround and stuff like that. And somebody didn’t get a turnaround.
[00:28:45] I spent five minutes on the show and what it was is they had a background in theater. So their song, as they describe it and I can’t carry a tune. So I don’t listen. I’m going to butcher this story people, but pay attention. What happened was somebody in the theater over, it’s too much perfection. They over pronounce their words.
[00:29:03] It’s very clear. It’s very clean. It’s very perfect and is what the criticism was. And they said, it’s not interesting. It’s not you. We don’t hear you in the story. We don’t hear you, you know, slurring into some words over pronouncing others with your language or dialect and you’re feeling in the song. And so that’s how they lost if there was too much perfection in there and there was no realness to it.
[00:29:24] So that true self is really interesting because we all think that to look professional and to sound really effective is our best thing, but it’s really not. Then we just a whole bunch of. We’re all the same. If we all achieve that, we’d be boring. Right. We’d be, should be the same. So I think I’m always learning at a deeper level. What that true self means. Interesting.
[00:29:47]Melitta Campbell: And I’m at TEDx speaker coach as well, and a lot of our speakers have to share their story for the first time. And they’re really worried about that, but I keep telling them that it’s really not your story.
[00:30:00] It’s your audience’s story when you’re sharing your experiences and what you’ve learned from that, you’re really giving a gift to other people. So if you’re not showing up as yourself and sharing your real life experiences and what you’ve gone through, you’re hiding that gift again. You’re being shy.
[00:30:15] You’re not sharing that with people. And that’s the thing that really connects with people as well. So, yeah, unless you’re a really horrible person, which I know no one exclude.
[00:30:26]Kris Ward: None of my listeners are, they’re all amazing. And they really, truly are. I have got over 900, five star reviews and everyone then writes me these thoughtful, unbelievable things that I will tell you, all you guys out there.
[00:30:36] I read every single one of them. You have no idea. Okay. So we’ve got that. What’s the old four in victory?
[00:30:43]Melitta Campbell: So the O is ‘obstacles.’ So, you know, better than anyone else, what’s going to trip you up along the way. So for example, when it came to networking, the first obstacle for me was going to be just walking up to the reception desk and getting my name tag.
[00:30:58] So I thought of things that were going to help me. So maybe it was taking a friend with me or listening to some empowering music. I felt really filled up when I arrived or doing some power posing and the toilet, you know. Once I had mapped out those obstacles of things that I knew were going to treat me up. And they had a plan.
[00:31:16]Kris Ward: Okay. I just have to interrupt you if you don’t mind. That is an English term, the toilet, like in north America, we saved the bathroom. Cause when you say I did powerful voices in the toilet, it sounds like you were right in the toilet, right? You were not in water. So you were in the bathroom doing power poses.
I just want to clarify people in case you thought she started swimming in the toilet. She did not. All right. So my apologies, I’m just pretty here to protect you Melitta. Go ahead.
[00:31:41]Melitta Campbell: I was in the bathroom where the washroom was. But you know, it really, once I had those strategies, And I knew that I could handle what was going to come up when it gave me more confidence.
[00:31:55] But, you know, there’s things that I was really worried about that just never happened. So it was, it was a really interesting process to see how all these obstacles that I had imagined could happen or would happen never did because I’d already had a plan. So it’s kind of that advanced thinking if you like.
[00:32:14]Kris Ward: Yeah, it feels like a hundred years ago now when I used to do live networking events, you know, and what I found for me was I am not a big fan of small talk or me when it lacks structure. So I would go to a networking event and I did, I felt better when it was like a breakfast thing, cause then you’re sitting down, there’s something to do or whatever, when there was some structure to the event, but just to come and have a meet and greet, we all stand there, awkwardly smiling at each other and trying to make up small talk like that was so painful to me.
[00:32:45] And I don’t think it brought out my best self. So for me, that was an obstacle. And so I would look for events where it’s like, there was just a little bit of structure so that we could, if you were sitting beside someone or having a conversation, wasn’t going anywhere with someone, you had something else to do.
Right. So it really did make a difference when I was able to identify that. So that’s a really good one obstacle. All right. And the R stands for?
[00:33:08]Melitta Campbell: “The R” I think is my favorite one. It’s to create your own rules. So up until that point, I’d already all as always put myself under pressure to be like an extrovert, to perform a certain way, or to be funny and have all these stories and all of this and that wasn’t me.
[00:33:28] So I was putting myself under pressure and then I was beating myself up all the way home on the train while you didn’t do this. And that was rotation. So it was just a disaster from start to finish. I did two things with my rules. I had the empowering rules and the kind of the practical ones. So the practical ones were things like, you know, if I just go to an event and I meet one person, I’m there for half an hour and that’s me done, that’s okay.
[00:33:53] You know, so I made it okay for me to do it at my pace. If I felt my entity dipping and I wanted to just go and chill out outside, or read a book in the corner of the lobby. That was okay. You know, it was okay for me to work my way and protect my energy and protect myself as well. So that was one side of my rules.
[00:34:13] But on the other side, I really wanted to push myself a little bit to grow. So things like do something every day that scares you. And this wasn’t like jumping out of a plane, but more like inviting a colleague for lunch, which was something that really terrified me or using the phone instead of email these little things.
[00:34:34] I just encouraged myself to not take the easy way and do that thing that was going to be that little step so I could continue building my confidence. And actually I’ve since learned that that quote was from Eleanor Roosevelt who was chronically shy. And so I liked the idea that it was perhaps one of her rules because she ended up being an amazing networker and really well known for being a public figure and doing a lot of public speaking. But that’s definitely not where she started out.
[00:35:03]Kris Ward: That is interesting because you know what, for me those rules, they do really intrigued me because I do have the ability to have, I have like a lot of energy I’m high energy, or, you know, when I was in university, I was a really good server waitress, whatever you want to call it.
[00:35:19] And, you know, I could show up to the table and I, you have to read the table. Are they on a date? Are they meeting their biological parent, whatever. But you’re part of the entertainment for that. And so I was always able to do that and be effective with sales and coaching and stuff. And so people, it took me a long time to realize, okay people always see me as she’s very gregarious and outgoing.
[00:35:37] And yet I recharge by myself. Like I need quiet time and you know, all that other stuff. And I’m not somebody that’s going to go out Friday night with 20 friends. That’s just not me. Right. I was like 20 years old. Everybody has gone out. Hmm, maybe I’ll learn how to knit. Right. I I’d rather go to bed early and get up early.
[00:35:54] Right. And so it took me a long time to understand that, oh, you know, I’m not this big old extrovert. Like everyone thinks that this is how I recharge, because what was happening for me was because I was able to turn it on over here. And I enjoyed it, but then the flame burned out. Then I would say, oh, well, you know, I mean, I guess I’m just being lazy.
[00:36:15] Everyone wants to go out for so-and-so’s birthday or everyone wants to go to this event. Or I guess I should just go like push through when I didn’t want to. Cause I thought, well, I was just being, I don’t know what, right, but now I realize no one of my rules are, I need to take care of myself and how I recharge is this way.
[00:36:30] So it is very easy to get seduced and follow things. And these aren’t just you know, personal stories guys, this is really, you know, really me understanding then how to navigate effectively through my Workday, that, okay. If I’m going to have all my calls on this day, it’s going to be that. But then I need to recharge the next day and have some more focus content stuff where I get to, you know, again, recharge. So that’s a really good one. You’re right-rules. Okay. What is the big finale? What is the, “Y”?
[00:36:58]Melitta Campbell: The “Y” is little bit of an affirmation. You’ve got this. You know, it’s got all of these things in place, then you can really just relax and enjoy because you’ve kind of preplanned. You’ve set your mindset, you know what you’re doing? You and you’ve got your rules, so you can just go for it and enjoy the process. So it’s really that kind of like, yes, you can do that.
[00:37:21]Kris Ward: I like that you can do this. All right. So I guess the bigger message too. And I think it’s one that you can’t hear now, if we’re looking for progress, not perfection, and we just, we want to have victories in our business.
[00:37:32] And in order to do that, we can follow this formula and understand when you’re holding back. That is a definition by your terms, Melitta and I think a really good one of being shy about who you are, because I know for me too, we all, I really great at talking about how other people are really effective at what they have to offer the world with their business.
[00:37:53] But I know like sometimes you walk by like a little coffee shop or something or a restaurant, and they’ll say world’s greatest, whatever breakfast is here. And you think they can’t, I think they can’t say that they don’t know. Right. So that boastfulness always made me really pull back as far as
[00:38:11] presenting myself online, but that’s me being shy about my business and you can be confident without being arrogant. So I think you’ve given us a lot to think about. This is awesome. All right. Anything, any final words you want to tell our amazing listeners about your whole mission here? Really.
[00:38:31]Melitta Campbell: Well. I think the victory framework is a guide to achieving anything in life, your way. And since I’ve put that out there. I know I’ve had an extroverted man who’s like every time I go networking, I know annoy people because I just bounce off the walls. I’m like this unstoppable puppy and he’s been able to use it to bring himself back.
[00:38:55] I think it works in all situations, but. as you say, anytime, you’re not showing up. So if you’re not showing up in your marketing, if you’re not showing up in meetings, if you’re not showing up as a leader for your team, you know, there’s so many different ways you can apply this formula. But I think it’s really, as you say, it’s that having that big vision that you believe in and then filling in the gaps and just taking those small steps bit by bit to achieve that, and then anything becomes possible.
[00:39:22]Kris Ward: It truly does. Alright, Melitta where can they find more of your brilliance? Where can they reach out to see you?
[00:39:28]Melitta Campbell: So you can find me at melittacampbell.com. That’s Melitta with two “Ts”, and put Melita Campbell into anything, social media, Google, and you’ll find me.
[00:39:38]Kris Ward: Awesome. All right, Melitta we sure do appreciate you and you guys, we will see you soon in the next episode. Thank you so much. And don’t forget to Win The Hour, Win The Day. END[00:39:49]